#trust30 post#31: Image...

Mess up your hair. If you are wearing makeup – smudge it. If you have a pair of pants that dont really fit you – put them on. Put on a top that doesn’t go with those pants. Go to your sock drawer. Pull out two socks that don’t match. Different lengths, materials, colors, elasticity.
Now two shoes. You know the drill.
Need to add more? Ties? Hair clips? Stick your gut out? I trust you to go further.
Take a picture.
Get ready to post it online.
Are you feeling dread? Excitement? Is this not the image you have of yourself? Write about the fear or the thrill that this raises in you? Who do you need to look good for and what story does it tell about you? Or why don’t you care?

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This does nothing for me. Why don't I care? Other than looking presentable in order to deal with others, image is less important to me than what I can get done. If looking goofy will in any way help me get things done, I'm all for it.

#trust30 post#30: 10 Year Text...

Imagine your future self, ie, you 10 years from now. If he/she were to send you a tweet or text message, 1) what would it say and 2) how would that transform your life or change something you’re doing, thinking, believing or saying today?

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1) RT@10YearBenerator: It's all robots and spaceships, man.
2) No change. Pretty much confirms what I already know.

#trust30 post#29 Overcoming Uncertainty...

Write down a major life goal you have yet to achieve or even begin to take action on. For each goal, write down three uncertainties (read: fears) you have relating to each goal. Break it down further, and write down three reasons for each uncertainty. When you have three reasons for your fear, you’ll be able to start processing the change because you know where the fear stems from. Now you’ll be able to make a smaller changes that push you towards your larger goal. So begins the process of “trusting yourself.”

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Blah blah blah comic book for myself blah blah blah fear of failure/fear of success blah blah blah keep drawing. Blah.

C'mon, now, really.

#trust30 post#28: Alive-est...

When did you feel most alive recently? Where were you? What did you smell? What sights and sounds did you experience? Capture that moment on paper and recall that feeling. Then, when it’s time to create something, read your own words to reclaim a sense of being to motivate you to complete a task at hand.

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When did you feel most alive recently?
Digitally painting a robot.

Where were you?
At work.

What did you smell?
Nothing. Darn allergies. *sniffle*

What sights and sounds did you experience?
Sights, the pixels on my monitor changing color as I painted… Sounds, the sound of the stylus on my tablet.

Capture that moment on paper and recall that feeling.
Does typing on a computer count as a paper alternative? Let me recall that feeling right now. Ahhh. Seriously though, it felt pretty invigorating, realizing I was doing something for work and genuinely enjoying it.

Then, when it’s time to create something, read your own words to reclaim a sense of being to motivate you to complete a task at hand.
Roger wilco.

#trust post#27: Personal Recipe...

Think about the type of person you’d NEVER want to be 5 years from now. Write out your own personal recipe to prevent this from happening and commit to following it. “Thought is the seed of action.”

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In 5 years, I'd hate to be the type of person who still hasn't learned anything from any of these prompts. So my own personal recipe to prevent this from happening is to take these prompts to heart, no matter how redundant they turn out to be.

#trust30 post#26: Call to Arms...

What if today, right now, no jokes at all, you were actually in charge, the boss, the Head Honcho. Write the “call to arms” note you’re sending to everyone (staff, customers, suppliers, Board) charting the path ahead for the next 12 months and the next 5 years. Now take this manifesto, print it out somewhere you can see, preferably in big letters you can read from your chair.
You’re just written your own job description. You know what you have to do. Go!
(bonus: send it to the CEO with the title “The things we absolutely have to get right – nothing else matters.”)

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Concern yourself with learning, growth, development.
Get better.
Get it done.

#trust30 post#25: Most Ordinary...

We are our most potent at our most ordinary. And yet most of us discount our “ordinary” because it is, well, ordinary. Or so we believe. But my ordinary is not yours. Three things block us from putting down our clever and picking up our ordinary: false comparisons with others (I’m not as good a writer as _____), false expectations of ourselves (I should be on the NYTimes best seller list or not write at all), and false investments in a story (it’s all been written before, I shouldn’t bother). What are your false comparisons? What are your false expectations? What are your false investments in a story? List them. Each keep you from that internal knowing about which Emerson writes. Each keeps you from making your strong offer to the world. Put down your clever, and pick up your ordinary.

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False comparison:
There are a ton of artists out there many, many years my junior who are putting out so much better work than I am.

False expectation: I should be putting out so much better work than a ton of artists out there many, many years my junior.

False investment in a story: I'm gettin' too old for this...

#trust30 post#24: Intuition...

Playing catch-up again, been too busy taking care of business. But I did commit to see this #trust30 thing all the way through, so let's do this thing:

If you could picture your intuition as a person, what would he or she look like? If you sat down together for dinner, what is the first thing he or she would tell you?

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It's tempting to try and say something silly here, but that'd be too easy. So let's take the high road and really try and figure this one out. If I could picture my intuition as a person... hmm. I'm drawing a blank. My mind is refusing to take this one seriously, quite the conundrum.

Ok, ok, if I could picture my intuition, she'd look like-- dang, I'm forgetting her name. Peppermint Patty's best friend, the one with the glasses. Augh, I can't remember...

*goes to Google and remembers the name before typing the question*

Marcie. Seriously, I think my intuition would look like Marcie. And if we sat down together for dinner, the first thing she would tell me: "You've got quite a lot on your plate, sir. Are you sure you can finish all that?"

New ship

Rough spaceship concept, based on a drawing out of my ship sketchbook. Used Colors! for DS and Photoshop, it was an exercise to get me painting... but mostly I was just looking for an excuse to paint a spaceship.

#trust30 post#23: Courage to Connect...

Who is one person that you’ve been dying to connect with, but just haven’t had the courage to reach out to? First, reflect on why you want to get in touch with them. Then, reach out and set up a meeting.

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The one person I'd like to connect with is American illustrator Andrew Loomis. His work has been very inspiring to me, and I could see him being a really good mentor... but unfortunately, he's quite dead. So to reach out to him I'm going to hold a séance in my drawing room tomorrow at 3-- I kid.

What I might do instead is pick up one of his how-to manuals which have been out-of-print for the longest time, but are thankfully being reproduced by Titan Books. They've just recently put out a copy of the original Figure Drawing for All It's Worth, and I'm really hoping they recreate Creative Illustration, which I've only ever seen as photocopies in PDF format. Really good stuff, highly recommended.

#trust30 post#22: Enthusiasm...

“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” is a great line from Emerson. If there’s no enthusiasm in what you do, it won’t be remarkable and certainly won’t connect with people on an emotional basis. But, if you put that magic energy into all of your work, you can create something that touches people on a deeper level. How can you bring MORE enthusiasm into your work? What do you have to think or believe about your work to be totally excited about it? Answer it now.

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What I believe about my work, and I'm talking about illustration here, is that I feel like I'm finally starting to hit my stride, things are beginning to make sense, fall into place... I'm getting it. And to bring more enthusiasm into it, I need to keep pushing myself and ride the wave, not be afraid to go places I've shied away from in the past, because I know I'll come out the other side a better artist.

#trust30 post#21: You Know...

We live in a society of advice columns, experts and make-over shows. Without even knowing it, you can begin to believe someone knows better than you how to live your life. Someone might know a particular something better – like how to bake a three-layer molten coconut chocolate cake or how to build a website – but nobody else on the planet knows how to live your life better than you. (Although one or two people may think they do.) For today, trying asking yourself often, especially before you make a choice, “What do I know about this?”

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What I know:

•  I was going to say "I still have a lot to learn" but that sounds kind of funny, like I someday will learn it all. Still have a lot to learn? More like I will always have a lot to learn. But that's a good thing. As long as I have something to learn, I will always have something to study, something to discover.
• I'm capable of accomplishing a lot, so long as I apply myself.
• I'm going to apply myself more.

Watermelon

Another fruit study from photo ref, using Colors! for DS... Not an exact copy of a particular photo, just sketched out some watermelon shapes and used several photos for color and shading reference.

#trust30 post#20: Speak Less...

I once received a fortune cookie that read: “Speak less of your plans, you’ll get more done.” What’s one project that you’ve been sitting on and thinking about but haven’t made progress on? What’s stopping you? What would happen if you actually went for it and did it?

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Speak less of your plans, you’ll get more done.

I agree. 

#trust30 post#19: Facing (and Fearing)...

Trusting intuition and making decisions based on it is the most important activity of the creative artist and entrepreneur. If you are facing (and fearing) a difficult life decision, ask yourself these three questions:

1) “What are the costs of inaction?” I find it can be helpful to fight fear with fear. Fears of acting are easily and immediately articulated by our “lizard brains” (thanks Seth) e.g. what if I fail? what if I look stupid? If you systematically and clearly list the main costs of inaction, they will generally overshadow your immediate fears.

2) “What kind of person do I want to be?” I’ve found this question to be extremely useful. I admire people who act bravely and decisively. I know the only way to join their ranks is to face decisions that scare me. By seeing my actions as a path to becoming something I admire, I am more likely to act and make the tough calls.

3) “In the event of failure, could I generate an alterative positive outcome?” Imagine yourself failing to an extreme. What could you learn or do in that situation to make it a positive experience? We are generally so committed to the results we seek at the outset of a task or project that we forget about all the incredible value and experience that comes from engaging the world proactively, learning, and improving our circumstances as we go along.

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In regards to the comic book:
1) What are the costs of inaction? Cost of inaction is what I'm experiencing now, which is guilt that I've been dragging it out so long, and hits to my self-esteem.

2) What kind of person do I want to be? The kind of person that can make his own comic book.

3) In the event of failure, could I generate an alterative positive outcome? Alternative positive outcome is that I learn more and expand my skills. But I've been failing (by not following through) for a while now...

#trust30 post#18 Dreams...

Write down your top three dreams. Now write down what’s holding you back from them.

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Hrm, top three dreams:
1) Having created a comic book for myself, holding a physical copy in my hand and flipping through each page, and be able to say “I made this.”
2) Hoisting my daughter Mira over my shoulder after she’s just graduated from high school.
3) Having paid off most if not all debts and being financially secure.

Holding me back? Time, money, and myself, I suppose. Right now everything’s “in-progress” and I just have to keep working on it.

#trust30 post#17: Invent the Future...

My favorite quote of all time is Alan Kay: ‘In order to predict the future, you have to invent it.’ I am all about inventing the future. Decide what you want the future to be and make it happen. Because you can. Write about your future now.

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In my future, I’d be a better artist than I am now, because I will have been drawing and painting all the time and constantly improving. I’d have a better understanding of all sorts of things that I feel are currently my weaknesses, like drawing environments, using color and tone to their best potential, and having a full grasp of proper anatomy. That’s what’s going to happen, you just watch.

#trust30 post#16: Wholly Strange and New...

Can you remember a moment in your life when you had life in yourself and it was wholly strange and new? Can you remember the moment when you stopped walking a path of someone else, and started cutting your own?

Write about that moment. And if you haven’t experienced it yet, let the miracle play out in your mind’s eye and write about that moment in your future.

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I think the paradigm shift that really changed everything for me was the day I first registered for classes in high school. I didn't know if it was like this at other high schools, but at Lane Tech there were program tracks, areas of concentration for students to major in, from Math and Science, to Music and Commercial Art-- *cue record scratch sound* Waaaaitaminute, Commercial Art? I'd been drawing since I was a kid, but it for some reason it hadn't really occurred to me until just that moment that I could actually get paid to draw. SIGN ME UP.

I don't know what I was thinking beforehand, that maybe comic books were just created for the fun of it? Perhaps art for Christmas cards and cereal boxes and album covers just sort of appeared? I guess I had never really given it much thought until just then. From that point onward the seed had been planted, that I would make art the backbone of my career... and I have to say that I've been pretty fortunate, for the most part that has remained a constant.

An apple (and some cherries) a day...

In order to practice digital painting, I'm now rendering fruit. Here, have an apple:

And some cherries, while we're at it:

#trust30 post#15: One Thing...

Take a moment, step back from your concerns, and focus on one thing: You have one life to achieve everything you’ve ever wanted. Sounds simple, but when you really focus on it, let it seep into your consciousness, you realize you only have about 100 years to get every single thing you’ve ever wanted to do. No second chances. This is your only shot. Suddenly, this means you should have started yesterday. No more waiting for permission or resources to start. Today is the day you make the rest of your life happen. Write down one thing you’ve always wanted to do and how you will achieve that goal. Don’t be afraid to be very specific in how you’ll achieve it: once you start achieving, your goals will get bigger and your capability to meet them will grow.

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While I was reading this writing prompt, I could hear the chorus from Eminem's "Lose Yourself" running around in my head...

You better lose yourself in the music
The moment, you own it, you better never let it go, oh
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
'Cause opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo

Anyway... this prompt is pretty much a reiteration of a couple of previous prompts, but I think it frames the idea of having a limited resource of time nicely. It also brings up something to the fore that I'd been thinking about recently, in the last phrase: once you start achieving, your goals will get bigger and your capability to meet them will grow.

I believe that's a strong idea, that in order to achieve the big goal, you need to... build up to it. Achieve smaller goals, even really super-mundane ones, and they help to bolster your confidence, which I think is one of the biggest issues I have when it comes to creativity. The thing I want to do is the comic book for myself, and in order to do that I need to break it down into smaller chunks, and just keep working on it until I have a whole. Not be so concerned with the big picture, try and just concentrate on the smaller pictures, so to speak :)

Another robot exercise

Scanned in a sketch that I thought was interesting and used Photoshop to play around with its forms...

 
I've taken it about as far as I'm interested in taking it, I've learned what I needed to :)

#trust30 post#14: Alternative Paths...

The world buzzes about goals and visions. Focus. Create a vivid picture of exactly where you want to go. Dream big, then don’t let anything or anyone stop you. The problem, as Daniel Gilbert wrote in Stumbling Upon Happiness, is that we’re horrible at forecasting how we’ll really feel 10 or 20 years from now – once we’ve gotten what we dreamed of. Often, we get there only to say, “That’s not what I thought it would be,” and ask, “What now?” Ambition is good. Blind ambition is not. It blocks out not only distraction, but the many opportunities that might take you off course but that may also lead you in a new direction. Consistent daily action is only a virtue when bundled with a willingness to remain open to the unknown. In this exercise, look at your current quest and ask, “What alternative opportunities, interpretations and paths am I not seeing?” They’re always there, but you’ve got to choose to see them.

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I think I've reached a "That's not what I thought it would be" point in my life, but in an incredibly positive way. As opposed to "I was expecting things to be different" it's more like "I wasn't expecting things to be this cool." By the way, I'm not just talking about illustration when I say that :)

As for alternative opportunities, interpretations and paths are concerned, right now I consider everything to be a world of possibility, and that's refreshing.

#trust30 post#13: Surprise...

Think of a time when you didn’t think you were capable of doing something, but then surprised yourself.  How will you surprise yourself this week?

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Lately, I've been surprising myself with what I've learned about illustration (specifically painting) in what I consider to be a relatively short time... It could all very well have been stuff I've learned before, but has only now started to make sense, but whatever's going on, I like it.

As for what I'm doing for surprise this week, I'm just going to keep pushing myself and see what happens.

#trust30 post#12: Fear...

Is fear holding you back from living your fullest life and being truly self expressed? Put yourself in the shoes of the you who’s already lived your dream and write out the answers to the following:
Is the insecurity you’re defending worth the dream you’ll never realize? or the love you’ll never venture? or the joy you’ll never feel?
Will the blunder matter in 10 years? Or 10 weeks? Or 10 days? Or 10 minutes?
Can you be happy being anything less than who you really are?
Now Do. The Thing. You Fear.

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Fear. Right. Got it. Working on it.

#trust30 post#11: Divine Idea...

Write down in which areas of your life you have to overcome these suicidal tendencies of imitation, and how you can transform them into a newborn you – one that doesn’t hide its uniqueness, but thrives on it. There is a “divine idea which each of us represents” – which is yours?

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Imitation has IMO been a necessary part of the illustration learning process, and I certainly feel like I wear my influences on my sleeve. I'm still entrenched in mastering the tools and techniques, but as I grow more confident in my abilities, I think I can start to see more of my own style start to show through. I'm not sure I can really define what that style is, but I'm encouraged to see that it's there.

#trust30 post#10: Personal Message...

What is burning deep inside of you? If you could spread your personal message RIGHT NOW to 1 million people, what would you say?

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In honor of Michael J. Fox's birthday, a Marty McFly quote that always resonated with me:

"If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything."

#trust30 post#9: Afraid to Do...

Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” What is ‘too scary’ to write about? Try doing it now.

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Honestly, anything I'd consider "too scary" to write about isn't really something I'd write down for public consumption, more out a personal sense of propriety than any sense of fear. A cop out maybe, but it is what it is.

So instead, I present a sketch of a guy I saw on the bus wearing a funky looking hat:

It kind of looks like a chef's hat in the picture, but that's only because of my inability to fully capture the unusual shape of this thing. It was grey speckled wool, and sort of beret-esque, but poofy. Poofy. So yeah, maybe not too scary, but certainly a tad odd.

#trust30 post#8: Five Years...

From the writing prompt:

What would you say to the person you were five years ago? What will you say to the person you’ll be in five years?

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To myself five years ago:

"Keep drawing."

To myself five years from now:

"Keep drawing. And congrats on defeating that zombie werewolf vampire horde. I'm glad to see that your revised to-do list worked out so well for you."

#trust30 post#7: Dare to be bold...

From the writing prompt: 

The idea of “being realistic” holds all of us back. From starting a business or quitting a job to dating someone who may not be our type or moving to a new place – getting “real” often means putting your dreams on hold.
Today, let’s take a step away from rational thought and dare to be bold. What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to accomplish but have been afraid to pursue? Write it down. Also write down the obstacles in your way of reaching your goal. Finally, write down a tangible plan to overcome each obstacle.
The only thing left is to, you know, actually go make it happen. What are you waiting for?

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Already on it. I decided to work on the comic, just for myself, see how far I can get in 30 days. Check in with me in about a month.

#trust30 post#6: Come Alive...

From the writing prompt: 

If you had one week left to live, would you still be doing what you’re doing now? In what areas of your life are you preparing to live? Take them off your To Do list and add them to a To Stop list. Resolve to only do what makes you come alive. 

Bonus: How can your goals improve the present and not keep you in a perpetual “always something better” spiral?

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I'm not really sure how to address this topic, I don't know that there's anything I'm doing now that I'd consider "going through the motions" just waiting for something to happen.

Anyway, if I only had a week left to live, I'd probably take the family and do some of that traveling that I mentioned in the previous post. At least, as much as we can squeeze into a week. Pretty straightforward.

If I only had a week left to live... If I only had 15 minutes left to write my story... What's up with these writing prompts? I'm just waiting for the inevitable question "If an outbreak of some plague occured and turned everyone into zombie werewolf vampires, how would you revise your to-do list?"

#trust30 post#5: Travel...

From the writing prompt:

Not everyone wants to travel the world, but most people can identify at least one place in the world they’d like to visit before they die. Where is that place for you, and what will you do to make sure you get there?

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Back when I was a hardcore anime fan, the answer to this would probably have been Japan, but nowadays I've kind of mellowed on that idea. I wouldn't mind it if the opportunity presented itself, but it's no longer a must. I think now I'd like to visit someplace that I'd find inspiring from natural beauty or man-made architectural wonder. There are soooo many options in that regard (Angkor Wat? Hagia Sophia? Macchu Picchu?), I really need to do some research. I have to categorize this topic as "To Be Continued"...

On a side note, I was pondering this question about travel when I stumbled on an article about an event coming to Kansas City in 2012 called Spectrum Fantastic Art Live!  I need to go to this. Some way, somehow. This. This. This.

#trust30 post#4: Post-it Question...

From the writing prompt:

Identify one of your biggest challenges at the moment (ie I don’t feel passionate about my work) and turn it into a question (ie How can I do work I’m passionate about?) Write it on a post-it and put it up on your bathroom mirror or the back of your front door. After 48-hours, journal what answers came up for you and be sure to evaluate them.

Bonus: tweet or blog a photo of your post-it.

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At work and in my personal projects (*cough*comic book*cough*) I've got sets of goals that have been rather nebulous... I make progress towards them, but they just kind of "float in the ether" 'til I feel like it's time to work on them, which is problematic.

So reflecting upon this question, here are some action items I came up with:

• Get better organized-- make checklists, charts, collect things in folders, whatever it takes to put things in the proper perspective
• Simplify-- break things down into their simplest components-- what needs to be done, what can I do right now, what needs to be put on the backburner
• Evaluate and re-evaluate my priorities
• Be fearless in attacking my goals

 Not really much else to say, I have to just get back to work.

Robot exercise

Here's an exercise using an old value sketch done in Colors! for DS, upscaled and taken into Photoshop, where I refined the drawing somewhat and spiffied it up with photo textures. Also played with blurring, the smudge tool, adjustment layers, and using opacity masks. The main goal was to try and keep it as loose as possible, just find a flow.

#trust30 post#3: One Strong Belief...

From the writing prompt:

The world is powered by passionate people, powerful ideas, and fearless action. What’s one strong belief you possess that isn’t shared by your closest friends or family? What inspires this belief, and what have you done to actively live it?

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I don't know that I have any really strong beliefs that I don't also share with those close to me, but I know that there is one belief I really want to embrace, but which I find difficult to reconcile with what's been ingrained in me-- that it's alright to fail.

I've read a number of creativity blogs and articles that expound this notion. They talk about how it's part of the learning process, that in order to ultimately succeed, you have to be prepared to fail over and over again. "Fail early, and fail often."

And on the surface it makes a lot of sense, but deep down, there's that seemingly instinctual... fear. Fear that failing will mean missing out on my only chance to get it right. Fear that failing will mean I'll be looked down upon, considered a lesser person because of it.

It's scary. But it's a fear worth overcoming, because I know that, being willing to accept failure as part of my process... it'll make me a better artist, and a better person. That's a big idea.

Benerator Comix #1

Inspired by my first #trust30 post:

#trust30 post #2: Today...

From the writing prompt:

If ‘the voyage of the best ship is a zigzag line of a hundred tacks,’ then it is more genuine to be present today than to recount yesterdays. How would you describe today using only one sentence? Tell today’s sentence to one other person. Repeat each day.

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Today is a new opportunity for me to draw something, and in the process, learn something about drawing... and maybe, if I'm lucky, learn something about myself.

#trust30 post #1: 15 minutes to live...

 I just signed up for a 30-day writing challenge called #trust30, a set of exercises wherein each day I'm given something to reflect upon and write about. I'm hoping that I can use these as touchstones to talk about my art as well. Here goes nothing...
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So the premise is that I've got 15 minutes left to live... what to say? First and foremost, I love my wife and daughter so very much, I hope that notion lives years and years beyond these 15 minutes.

Ok, so I'm just going to ramble, hopefully someone will maybe find something useful here. Stuff that I've learned, heard in a podcast, read in a tutorial, whatever.

- Regarding creativity: Go out and do something. Set yourself some boundaries-- maybe boundaries isn't the right word, more like "framework"-- like staring at a blank page, you get that deer-in-the-headlights look, just set something down on the paper, you can always change it later. That first mark is always the hardest, but can also be the easiest.

- Huh. Not so easy.

- My daughter loves fruits and vegetables. I wish I could be like her. Then maybe I wouldn't have only 15 minutes left to live.

- Drawing with Photoshop: love Layers. What's great is you can go crazy, and just subtract what you don't want later. I learned that from ctrlpaint.com, btw. Check it out. I'd go there myself right now but I've only got 10 minutes left.

- It's important to be more aggressive with doing stuff-- less about doing the passive things, like watching TV, browsing the web-- more about being active... draw a picture, write a story, plant a tree. Hug someone. I know it's cliché, but you never know when you'll only have 15 minutes left. Or 9 minutes, in this case.

- One of my biggest regrets I think is not doing that comic book I always said I'd do. Fear of success more than fear of failure, I think. Always been afraid I'm not good enough, or that I'd be revealed as a fraud. Looking at it from this point of view, seems silly now.

- I hope I've made a difference, somehow.

- And that's it. That's all I got.

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NOTE: I decided to backdate all the thirty or so #trust30 posts because they took up a big chunk of real estate on the front end, and I really wanted this blog to be more about the illustration work I've been doing. However, I didn't want to delete the posts because I thought they were useful, if a bit repetitive at times. So I sent them back 10 years, because Blogger doesn't really have any other way I can figure out to compartmentalize posts. They've been labeled with the #trust30 tag, if you desire to read them.